While she might be a shrewd politician and keen negotiator, Theresa May’s trip to Japan hit a stumbling block yesterday when she revealed she doesn’t enjoy Japan’s favourite past-time: karaoke.
The PM is currently overseas on a charm-offensive. She’s trying to convince Japanese PM Shinzō Abe to confirm a trade deal with Britain post-Brexit.
However, May risked scandalizing the far Eastern nation when she announced that she doesn’t like karaoke. Asked by reporters what her favourite song to perform on karaoke nights was, May said:
“I’ve got a confession to make. It may be a shock to you all, but I’m not a great karaoke fan. I’ve never done karaoke, actually, I’m afraid.”
Absolutely scandalous. The sheer horror of this situation cannot be overstated. May desperately tried to reclaim the situation by pitifully saying:
“I’ve never made sushi, but I enjoy eating it.”
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Too little, too late, Mrs. May.
For those of you May-like heathens who’ve never tried it, karaoke is the art of belting out tunes into a microphone, following the lyrics on screen. Usually while very intoxicated. The hobby was first created in Japan in the 1970s. Since then it has spread all over the world to become a global phenomenon.
Still, perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to blame the Prime Minister. Maybe she was too busy running through wheat fields to ever find a mic in her hands?
With that in mind, here’s a few karaoke classics Theresa should try next time there’s a party at No. 10!
Theresa May karaoke jukebox:
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor – An absolute karaoke classic, and pretty timely for the PM too. This week she was asked if she planned to step aside before the next election, May said “I’m not a quitter.” Frankly, she might as well have just belted out the words ‘I will survive!’
My Way – Frank Sinatra – Another classic. May has faced some pretty near-misses during her time, this tune would be the perfect one to showcase her defiant attitude against those who’d see her removed from office. There are actually very few lyrics in this song that don’t directly apply to the Prime Minister.
Who Run The World – Beyoncé – Say what you will about her policies, but there’s no denying that Theresa May is a role model for female empowerment. She’s only the second female Prime Minister of Great Britain ever. This big tune from Queen Bey would be the perfect song to play tribute to that legacy.
American Boy – Estelle Feat. Kanye West – Okay, obviously we couldn’t expect the PM to perform the verse and the chorus, so who better to join her for a duet than the 51st President of the USA? That’s right, folks, Trump-May duet time! May has made no secret of her enthusiasm to win Trump’s favour, refusing to condemn him personally, even after his comments on the racist rally in Charlottesville. What better song to pay homage to that ‘special relationship’ than this one?
No Scrubs – TLC – The Conservatives have made little secret of their desire to rid the UK of benefit-claiming immigrants. What better way to hammer that message home on the day of Brexit than with a public performance of No Scrubs by TLC outside Westminister.
Everybody Wants To Rule The World – Tears For Fears – Plenty have been critical of May’s ambitious streak. With that in mind, maybe she should explain herself with an incredible karaoke performance of this song, imbued with emotion and pathos. It’d bring the house down!
Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood – While his leadership bid may have been nixed by Michael Gove last time, there’s no telling what havoc Boris Johnson could wreak if he decided to challenge May in a leadership election. The PM needs to make a big power play to show Johnson it wouldn’t be as easy as he thinks. What better to hint at the potential repercussions than Carrie Underwood’s iconic country bop?
Look What You Made Me Do – Taylor Swift – Picture the scene: Britain crashes out of the EU without any kind of deal. Filled with rage, facing public scorn, May turns around and blames the public for not offering her a decent mandate in the latest election. She rails against the EU, the public, and everyone who’ll listen with Taylor Swift’s latest smash-hit single. A powerful scene that would certainly silence critics and perhaps prompt some sympathy for a PM in a tough position. Imagine it: ‘I’m sorry, the old Theresa can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh… because she’s dead!’ #iconic
We’re Not Gonna Take It – Twisted Sister – The EU have made it clear that they aren’t going to go easy on Britain in the Brexit negotiations. May has also pledged not to give an inch. This rock classic would definitely let them know that Britain is ready to play rough.
Hot And Cold – Katy Perry – While she probably shouldn’t admit how frequently she changes policy positions. Conversely, doing it via the medium of song, May could poke fun at all her forgotten promises and U-turns with a fun, upbeat karaoke performance of an early Katy Perry work.
Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen – The song to appeal to all of Britain’s new potential trade partners at once. An iconic number that couldn’t fail to win diplomats and trade secretaries over.
These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ – Nancy Sinatra – Not every song needs to lay out policy positions or take a defiant stance against her opponents. It’s a well-known fact that May is an avid walker, so this old classic from Nancy Sinatra would suit her nicely. In addition, it’d definitely tell her opponents what to expect. Two in one!
In summary, Theresa May has plenty of karaoke options. In fact, she’s got so many, we’d say she should lay out all policy positions in song from now on.